Congress Votes to Ban the Sun as Studies Show it Causes People to Leave Their Homes

WASHINGTON, March 17

The United States Congress voted Thursday to enact a law eliminating the sun after numerous studies show it may cause people to leave their houses.

This law, called the Solar Stay-At-Home Act, goes into effect later this year, on the heels of Covid quarantine. Currently, twenty-nine countries, mainstream media outlets, and social media platforms are on board.

“Think of the possibilities,” said one congressman, “with no sunlight, proletariats won’t be motivated to leave their homes or get out of bed! It’s better for our future, better for our environment, and better for our world.”

This week, government officials will brief top social media influencers on the benefits of this change to quickly spread facts and propaganda.

One online poll found 99.6% of Americans are not in favor of eliminating the sun. And this, officials say, proves the Solar Stay-At-Home Act is truly a win-win for our democracy.

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